the girl that couldn't reach Him
the girl who's filthy hands
desire to be cleaned by Him
her past times numb her pain
for a night she feels complete
mornings never come easy
she longs to be rid of all of it
everyone looks on her with disdain
wondering why she hates herself
plain as day she flaunts her sin
like the woman standing on the rooftop
calling for her lovers to come in
loud and belligerent she screams her offense
falling around barely coherent...
where she lands is where she'll stay
at least for this day.
nights of peace come rare with her
but still they are there
those nights she finds her self daring
to think... would He have me?
Could He touch me?
Lost is her way.
but something in her she still feels..
a feeling that cannot fade??
even through the pain?
even when she's numb this longing seems to ache...
her soul is attracted to Him.
to Jesus
She is intrigued by His kindness.
She is overwhelmed by His words.
She is humbled that He would look at her
and spend time sharing himself with her.
She thinks if He knew what all i've done
He would turn and walk away.
He sits with her and talks a while..
She empties out all her pain
She tells of all her lovers
She tells of her junk
To her surprise he continues with her
later in the night
he sits with her til the sun comes up
and anything and everything was said
embracing this girl.. she thinks to herself
how could He seriously touch me now
i'm so filthy
i'm so hurt
broken, crushed, and ignorant
i'm selfish in my way
i'm lost so lost and cling to the smallest
hint of security
and He just comes and sits with me?
like it's no thing?
like who i am doesn't offend him?
like he likes me in-spite of my sin??
... i am so attracted to him...
i feel loved by him...
though i do not feel clean my dirt so much more apparent..
but he didn't even seem to notice it.
Though he now knows all of it.
He just kept making me want to look at Him.
I look at Him.
I look at His way.
It makes me want to stay.
Close to Him.
i'm attracted to him
i'm a fornicator and attracted to Jesus
is that possible??
others may laugh.. i don't care
He sits by me and he doesn't stare..
me down like other men do
their eyes
their hands
do things that emasculate
and I let them cause i hate them
and hate myself as well
but YOU.. You have given me hope
shown me something i've never seen before
a real man
a man that's strong
and knows real love
a man that protects
and knows how to hold himself
control his will
Jesus can i long for you??
Others will tell me no.
The religious may say it's heresy
A girl like that can't possibly know
how to "desire" PURELY
so she mustn't desire at all??
They will tell me to clean my hands
before i speak of You.
they will tell me to walk a strait line
before i run for You.
but Jesus... you spoke to me when still i was dirty
i didn't come seeking You!
You found me in this place.
How can they expect ANYTHING from me????
I just want You.
Not their laws and expectations..
i just want You
not their obligations...
They can keep their lifestyles
and their reputations
all i know is i'm attracted to You
Jesus i can make no promises
look where i've been
all i can do is tell you
You have touched my heart in this moment
so much so... I want to know you more
can i just know you more???
Jesus i'm a product of my parents
walking in my shame
i try to appear pretty
to make it go away
i don't know anything else.
so please just stay.
that's all i know.
I'm attracted to You and i want you to stay.
-a girl
