Wednesday, March 31, 2010

words.words.words.that's all i see
your word written is what i read
your spirit is near, LIKE water to by being
written words are the next best thing to hearing you speak
the written word that you love me will have to do
the written word... that's what is done
sometimes you send someone
randomly they respond and speak the kindness you wish to express
the love it seems so suppressed.
there are some things i wanna say
somethings i need to articulate
somethings that words can't help 
some hurts that need a friend
i'll crawl back into your word
hold it dear as i sleep
please sing your song and cover me
help me through this day
the end i can not face.. with out you.
i love you, Lord, i trust you. i depend on you.
-khristen

Monday, March 29, 2010

completely broken

Sunday, March 28, 2010

namelesswave




NAMELESS _________ WAVE 
RISES TO MY GAZE
EMOTIONAL CURRENT 
FEEDING THE SOURCE
DISMANTLING FEAR 
LIKE A MAZE
TWISTING and TURNING 
USING FORCE
SEARCHING EVERY CRACK AND CREASE
CAN I JUST HIDE UNTIL ALL PASSES BY
I WANT TO TURN AND RUN
I WANT TO CHASE MY COMFORT
I WANT TO LAY IN THE SUN AND JUST BE
I WANT YOU TO WRAP ME UP SO I CANT SEE
THIS WAVE ________THAT IS BUILDING OVER ME
MY INSIDES START TO TREMBLE AS IT GROWS NEAR
DO I REALLY HAVE TO CONTINUE TO STAND HERE??
STRENGTHEN ME
MAKE ME BRAVE
LET ME NOT JUST STAND
BUT LET ME JUMP IN
WITH ALL THAT I HAVE
THIS WAVE IS NOTHING
COMPARED TO YOU 
THIS WAVE
CAN'T KEEP ME
CONFUSED
THIS WAVE.
IS A WAVE. 

-nothing new to you, God.  
-ugh, (sigh) khristen



Saturday, March 27, 2010

most favorite

I learned both what is secret and what is manifest, for wisdom, the fashioner of all things, taught me.  There is in her a spirit that is intelligent, holy, unique, manifold, subtle, mobile, clear, unpolluted, distinct, invulnerable, loving the good, keen, irresistible, beneficent, humane, steadfast, sure, free from anxiety, all-powerful, overseeing all, and penetrating through all spirits that are intelligent, pure, and all together subtle.  For wisdom is more mobile than any motion; because of her pureness she pervades and penetrates all things.  For she is a breath of the power of God, and a pure emanation of the glory of the Almighty; therefore nothing defiled gains entrance into her.  For she is a reflection of eternal light, a spotless mirror of the working of God, and an image of his goodness.  Although she is but one, she can do all things; in every generation she passes into holy souls and makes them friends of God and prophets; for God loves nothing so much as the person who lives with wisdom.  She is more beautiful than the sun, and excels every constellation of the stars.  Compared with the light she is found to be superior, for it is succeeded by the night, but against wisdom evil does not prevail.

 

The Wisdom of Solomon 7: 21-30

Friday, March 26, 2010

letuspray

singing my song over you
hum until you hear
listen to my soft song
whispering in your ear
let your mind find rest here
seems comfort cannot sleep
surrender trying to find rest 
peace meets you oh so deep.. 
right where there's a need
Cover sweet song... her minds ear,
give her solace here
speak to her sweet spirit
let her body feel.. YOU with her...  around her.. holding her... surrounding her.  Her wounds i pray you heal.  Her hurt i pray YOU feel... for her.  take this from her.  Let her rest in You.  I pray not one day taken away that is not your will. You have her. You have us. Draw us to Your side. Take him and strengthen for the night.  Let us pray until we're through and all together again.  Please reside with her tonight and hold her so so tight.. in love.. in comfort, allowing not one fright. Let her feel like Your spirit is pillowing all around.  Comforting every inch of her as she listens to Your sound.. Your song.. sing sing sing over her... melody carry her away.. somewhere else for the day until she can stand to stay.. awake.  Strengthen her frame. 
 i love you-khristen

ramblings...

lord, i love that we can approach you with all things. thankyou for handling my stuff and being my daddy.thankyou for waking me up and hanging out with me. thanks for singing your songs
over me while i sleep. thanks for good friends and good plans.  you always know how to make me smile. always sending some random person to deliver your messages of love. lol
thank you for loving me.  thank you for the gifts you have given me this week.  they made my day.  thanks for giving me the desires of my heart this week and i didn't realize it til you clued me in early this morning.. lol.. we are so selfish, lord. Forgive me for being so self-centered and about my own way. so worried that things will never turn out as i hope. so afraid to be disappointed. wanting to control my life so that i can have what i think i deserve..?? lol.. that's hilarious. my disappointments come when my hope is set in anything but you.. when will this soul truly learn that you know me better than i know myself. that you ARE the author of my life, the creator of my desires, and the mender of my dreams... these are my rants and ramblings to you, daddy. hope you don't mind me sharing with my friends.  love-khristen   

Thursday, March 25, 2010

ingwords


waiting 
learning
holding
churning
persevering
bending
thinking
moving
continuing 
longing
flexing
singing
revolving
fancying 
retrieving
cherishing
focusing
seeking
whispering
running
pursuing
choosing
racing
juggling
touching
befriending
likening 
redeeming
soothing
receiving
creating
dreaming
consuming
rewarding
adoring
praying
reflecting
shining
smiling
brighting
flowing
speaking
determining
reminding
alarming
waking
yielding
making
timing
committing 
righting
wording
returning
working
strengthening
gazing
fixing
reaching
sharing
resting
wooing
playing
laughing
multiplying
relying
gazing
trusting
leaning
keeping
loving

you/me - to/for/on 

you

parched your words satisfy
they drip off to the driest of dry
depths of me
rolling over in me
stirring up these gifts in me
inspiring me to new degrees
your words send life through me
 truth enriching my bones
resting my being in this peace that i know...
you've got me.
good intentioned words yet insufficient for this moment
can i just soak it up??
with no response now
though my wordless expression may be enough
to show my gratitude
my love for you
my appreciation for what you bring
for this new song i can sing
melodies so sweet
before i couldn't carry
you've widened my range 
so that i may open up more
stretch myself farther now
maybe sing higher now
louder now
with more control this time
not making a fool of my time.
Sweet time forgive me for my transgressions
forgive me for what i've wasted
precious time be on my side
redeeming time makes all things right
your truth is so sweet
it carries over into my dreams
your love is so pure
makes me want to love you more
your song sets the pace to my heart
your words direct a new...
thank you for loving me-khristen

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

keepme

Keep me, Lord.  I am Yours.   I trust You with this day and tomorrow's day.  I love You especially when I cannot see what's ahead.  Your promises are as good as done.  Your words... the sweetest taste i've ever known.  Your smile ushers a shaking laughter.  Your goodness blankets my inner girl.  Your strength overwhelms my feeble ways.  Your faithfulness draws my heart to a passionate pursuit.  Your friendship humbles me completely.  Your gaze awakens me. Your pursuit overtakes me.  Your song enchants my soul.  Your touch completes me.  Your will secures my being.  Your peace enhances my boldness.  Your joy gives strength to these bones.  Your wisdom reaches deep for my anchor.  Your love holds me, whispering delicate piercing truth to my heart, transforming my desires, my mind, my will, my emotion, my soul.  You keep me.  - i love you-khristen 
 

Joyful Anticipation

I am so grateful that God has given us his Holy Spirit to walk with us.  When opportunities arise to shine i pray that we take them.  Opportunities like smiling in the eye of hardship.  Laughing when everything is falling apart.  Singing something nice instead of profanities :) lol Choosing to change your perspective.  Looking past the temporaries of a circumstance and seeing the richness "crap" brings long term when it's used in the proper way in the proper place.  

Read this in Romans this morning.. it's one of my favorites and like the way it breaks it down in "the message" so again i'll share that translation :) 

 18-21That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.

 22-25All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

 26-28Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

 29-30God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun.

 31-39So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: 

   They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. 
   We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.
None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us.


Thank God I don't have to WORRY ABOUT what's going to happen.  I just keep going. keep on. keep seeking. keep loving. SET MY EYES.  -khristen

Sunday, March 21, 2010

liquidsunshine:)


disposition take your place

what position will you take 

while you run your race

as you set your pace

steady as you make your plans 

arranging life to fit some mold

life switches positions and takes control

home is where you make it

defeat may leave you naked

temporarily stranded and bare

your feet dig deep naive to despair

flexing your position staring down opposition

you'll never fit in your old skin again

this is a one way ticket to freedom friend 

where few men find the home in them

few experience being truly grateful

to obtain pure joy in the simple

recognizing disposition is detrimental 

to overcoming life's liquid sunshine

life's way of saying WAKE UP! to electrify!... you 

and me all those who have eyes... to see

ears to hear... the cry of purpose 

we hold so dear

few find truth

few will walk it through

few will walk the way 

few even see the gate


...give us clean hands.. give us pure hearts
-khristen




Friday, March 19, 2010

relentlesspursuit


LIFT YOUR EYES.SHINE SO BRIGHT. KEEP YOURSELF.AWAKE AND ALIVE.
no-matter what they say don't look away steady your eyes fix your gaze.
END OF THE DAY.END OF THE NIGHT.WHAT DO YOU EXPECT TO FIND.
hidden shouts will find their way to the tip top roof-top where all is displayed
TRUTHS REVEALED. AGENDAS BARE. NOTHING LEFT UNKNOWN TO SHARE
vulnerabilities to swine no reason to cry made that bed for the last time
SET YOUR EYES NO-MATTER THE COST DON'T LOOK BACK TO ALL THAT'S LOST
i know that i know that i know... HE is in control. no need to cling to anything more 
STANDING CROWDED BY YOURSELF.STANDING WITH HIM AND NO-ONE ELSE.
searching past roof-top displays, for the place these eyes truly yearn to gaze
PIERCING GAZE REACHES THROUGH FINDING YOU.  RELENTLESSLY YOU PURSUE. 
thank-you-khristen


Thursday, March 18, 2010

madaboutit


(Brutally honest, completely sick Heart weeping, over you again Wondering why you continue Please shut your mouth..Your words so empty, your actions routine Routine like a melody that's not only played over in me but formed parts of me. Would you please!  WAKE and SEE! That you HAVE and ALWAYS WILL DIRECTLY E/Affect me!
I've prayed in patience and unconditionally continued. You wreck the hearts of your immediates. The one's you have never known, but have always been there. The one's that have gone on in-spite of your lack of care. The one's that loved you when you weren't willing to share... your life with. Did you ever think.  There might be a day. When we would grow up and have new days?? Did you ever consider that if you weren't looking for someone else to blame.. that maybe just maybe NONE of this would be this way! theend)



There is a man i know so well
He lives deep down past this broken-worn shell.
Three AM's torment his dreams
Waking the remembrance of who he could be
Addictions numb his fear of tomorrow
Excuses justify no memories 
Yesterdays are all that's left 
Within this poor man's hands this poor man's chest
Bottom of bottoms still you somehow squander
Highest, height sits the words you vomit
Lost soul please find your way
Lost soul before it's too late
Lost soul there is a man inside
A spirit man full of life
Waiting to be woken up
waiting for the exchange
Exchange - vomit for confession
justification for repentance
pride for forgiveness
He waits for you, sweet soul of a man i see
He waits for your love, sweet love from the man that could be
He waits for you.
i wait for HIM to have HIS way with you
God have your way -khristen


Wednesday, March 17, 2010

ramblings...




Jere and i went for a walk in the woods here in Branson and found this really cool waterfall. The post before you get to this fall read View Blind. It was dangerously beautiful here. It reminded me of how many times in life i can't even see where God is taking me and then one day it's like that beautiful place just sneaks up on me. Sometimes when i look at where Jere or myself have been i can see how that place was made for us alone. God is so intricate. I love that He knows us completely and that He prepares things for us so perfectly. I love His surprises. He never lets me down with them. I trust that the people or dreams that have not continued in my life have been, because He allowed it that way. His purpose always remains. People and dreams may come and go, but the purpose He has remains. I love that He is my Daddy. That He teaches me what it means to be his daughter. What it means to be loved by Him and to be able to trust in Him for all things. There is no possible way I could have walked this road without my father. I know He has prepared so much and I don't want to miss a moment of it. I pray He teaches me to enjoy the things He has put in my life, and gives me the strength to let go of the things that are no longer. Lord teach me to hold hope close but to cut off those dead things that destroy hope. Teach me the difference. -khristen

sillygirl

beautiful, lay it out
talk like you know
put your prettiest smile on
perfecting the perfect show
toe than heel
suck it in
turn VERY slow
raise your eyes don't look down
maintain your stunning glow

pearls to swine
you give them your life
you tell them all you know
they take your worth and ride on it
as far as it will go

beautiful shut your mouth
don't be so keen to share
you were given somethings to protect
not to just lay bare

wake up
learn your lessons
time to show your stuff
you can be real nice, but still
it's time to toughen up
time to wise up
time to shape up
time to grow up

Life happens grow with it
change with your seasons
learn from experience
love God
love others
love yourself
love-khristen


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

waits






steady walking myself down
foreign are all these sounds
dripping curiosities fill me
questions of "what ifs" ground me

reality pulls me back up 
appearance throws me off
perceptions twisting tight
dark isn't so dark in the light

this poem in my head
won't come out until it's perfectly said
words stubborn full of pride
won't let loose til i'm on your side/you see

i feel broken i feel bruised i feel smothered and used
i feel choked and battered and beaten and confused
i feel abandoned i feel hurt i feel completely lied to
i feel lost, mislead, and stupid for believing you.

Feelings, Feelings... you always lie.
Can't trust how i feel to save my life.
You say i'm hurt when i just saw that i'm healed
I say HE is right here.. you say, but that's not how you feel!

Feelings, Feelings... you always lie
This time I WILL change YOUR mind.
I will tell you what is truth.  
Please step in line and speak it too.

Feelings it's time for you to be on my side/ You see
He has changed my life
He has transformed my mind
He has given new words
He has brought more time

wholeness filled my emptiness
richness conformed this poverish mindset
You love me no matter...
thanks for that
-khristen




 



Monday, March 15, 2010

food for ur soul

Psalm 37 (the message)

A David Psalm
 1-2 Don't bother your head with braggarts or wish you could succeed like the wicked. 
   In no time they'll shrivel like grass clippings 
      and wilt like cut flowers in the sun. 

 3-4 Get insurance with God and do a good deed, 
      settle down and stick to your last. 
   Keep company with God
      get in on the best. 

 5-6 Open up before God, keep nothing back; 
      he'll do whatever needs to be done: 
   He'll validate your life in the clear light of day 
      and stamp you with approval at high noon. 

 7 Quiet down before God
      be prayerful before him. 
   Don't bother with those who climb the ladder, 
      who elbow their way to the top. 

 8-9 Bridle your anger, trash your wrath, 
      cool your pipes—it only makes things worse. 
   Before long the crooks will be bankrupt; 
      God-investors will soon own the store. 

 10-11 Before you know it, the wicked will have had it; 
      you'll stare at his once famous place and—nothing! 
   Down-to-earth people will move in and take over, 
      relishing a huge bonanza. 

 12-13 Bad guys have it in for the good guys, 
      obsessed with doing them in. 
   But God isn't losing any sleep; to him 
      they're a joke with no punch line. 

 14-15 Bullies brandish their swords, 
      pull back on their bows with a flourish. 
   They're out to beat up on the harmless, 
      or mug that nice man out walking his dog. 
   A banana peel lands them flat on their faces— 
      slapstick figures in a moral circus. 

 16-17 Less is more and more is less. 
      One righteous will outclass fifty wicked, 
   For the wicked are moral weaklings 
      but the righteous are God-strong. 

 18-19 God keeps track of the decent folk; 
      what they do won't soon be forgotten. 
   In hard times, they'll hold their heads high; 
      when the shelves are bare, they'll be full. 

 20 God-despisers have had it; 
      God's enemies are finished— 
   Stripped bare like vineyards at harvest time, 
      vanished like smoke in thin air. 

 21-22 Wicked borrows and never returns; 
      Righteous gives and gives. 
   Generous gets it all in the end; 
      Stingy is cut off at the pass. 

 23-24 Stalwart walks in step with God
      his path blazed by God, he's happy. 
   If he stumbles, he's not down for long; 
      God has a grip on his hand. 

 25-26 I once was young, now I'm a graybeard— 
      not once have I seen an abandoned believer, 
      or his kids out roaming the streets. 
   Every day he's out giving and lending, 
      his children making him proud. 

 27-28 Turn your back on evil, 
      work for the good and don't quit. 
   God loves this kind of thing, 
      never turns away from his friends. 

 28-29 Live this way and you've got it made, 
      but bad eggs will be tossed out. 
   The good get planted on good land 
      and put down healthy roots. 

 30-31 Righteous chews on wisdom like a dog on a bone, 
      rolls virtue around on his tongue. 
   His heart pumps God's Word like blood through his veins
      his feet are as sure as a cat's. 

 32-33 Wicked sets a watch for Righteous, 
      he's out for the kill. 
   God, alert, is also on watch— 
      Wicked won't hurt a hair of his head. 

 34 Wait passionately for God
      don't leave the path. 
   He'll give you your place in the sun 
      while you watch the wicked lose it. 

 35-36 I saw Wicked bloated like a toad, 
      croaking pretentious nonsense. 
   The next time I looked there was nothing— 
      a punctured bladder, vapid and limp. 

 37-38 Keep your eye on the healthy soul, 
      scrutinize the straight life; 
   There's a future 
      in strenuous wholeness. 
   But the willful will soon be discarded; 
      insolent souls are on a dead-end street. 

 39-40 The spacious, free life is from God
      it's also protected and safe. 
   God-strengthened, we're delivered from evil— 
      when we run to him, he saves us.

(don't usually read from the message but it seemed to fit the occasion when praying.. hope it fits for you this day!) -khristen