- the path

Wandering i stumbled down a path too steep to walk

The foundations beneath me shifting too fast to stop

Couldn't even look up to see what was ahead

Just watched my foot steps as they led...

Directing my ankles not to turn

This path is too fast to learn..my way down

Heart is racing, Loss of breath

Life and death lie in these steps...

Keeping balance, rhythm, and time

Making my way like it's mine

Holding fast to how far i've come

Unknowingly my next step was none

Slipping through the ground beneath

My weak knees give way to the sound of defeat

The jagged rock slicing through

Everything i thought i knew

Sliding down with no control

Cutting my hands as they grasp to slow...

Down this ride I didn't choose

This struggle with THIS PATH... i may lose.

Head over feet i tumble to the bottom

Broken and bruised...

Lifeless for a moment perhaps even longer

My being awakens in a sort of horror...

Disoriented completely with my position

Lying face down on cool ground in tears of submission

There is where my tears where left... 

On that ground -at the bottom -under all my mess.

My battered being began to stir

Thinking of the steps that deterred... my wandering

Frozen for a moment in fear...

How to keep me from this path... these tears...

In that moment You whispered in my ear

Stooping down to make Yourself so clear

You whispered words that redesigned

All that thinking... years of believing lies..

There on that ground is where i realized...

My wanderings were not my demise..

That path that led strait down... 

Was the quickest way for me to be found... by You.

Your truth covered me like a blanket 

Restoring my being like when it was created

This is Redemption. This grace. 

Your love that enveloped my shamed face.

Now I've found a beautiful place 

That birthed a new path, a new love, a new face.

Shining brightly for all to see...

Wondering how this new path will be....

Full of new life and curiosities and adventure

Standing on this path i find myself apprehensive

So knowledge i take and hide behind..

Learning every step, bend, and bind.

Longing to pick the lilies on the way..

My fear won't let me play...

Frozen at the foot of the path

Knowing all that i lack...

I want to enjoy when i walk down..

I want to play and listen to all the sounds...

The crickets the frogs the whispering trees...

I wanna skip and laugh and jump in the leaves...

I stand there dreaming of how it could be...

And You.. You stoop down and nudge me...

Go on.. have fun.. I made this for you!!!

I stand there not moving anxious before You!!

You see this time I don't wanna walk alone...

I was wondering if maybe you could send a friend...

Someone i can trust that will take my hand...

Someone that's strong hearted and brave...

That can have fun leading and will want to stay... with me

Along side of me... Testing the grounds ahead...

Ground that has never been tread.

Seeking out truth, joy, hope, and faith..

The unseen path for two to take.

I'll respect his timing and honor his word.

His spirit I'll nourish with gentle kindness 

His heart I'll guard with wisdom's perseverance 

His mind I'll cherish as that of Your own...

As You speak to Him of how and when to go.

Strait path true and pure. 

I'll keep to the path and endure.

Even if He decides to wander off.

I'll love my friend no matter the cost.. 

I'll keep to the path and keep him close

I'll keep to the path so he won't get lost.

Keep me Lord.Send him my way.Send him to stay.

Patience wrap us up in you.

Joy burn deep to get us through.

Bring us both to this path of light.

Please don't let us out of Your sight.

Teach us to trust and walk and play.

Teach us to stay.

Teach us fight when fighting is needed

Teach us peace in the midst of mess.

Take us.. Love us 

Teach us to love us and love u... completely. 

Something blankets my heart this day

Coverings of healings that penetrate

Deeper than the abbrasions of today

Stretching back to the "foundation" day

"Chaosday" might be it's name

The day these patterns were lain 

"Sick-cycleday" might better define

The day this torment started in my mind

This day was brought to my attention

By triggers of love, and expectation

Knowledge vs emotion battling for truth

Beautiful mediator calls a truce

Her name is wisdom always on time

Residing between my heart and my mind

She dips her words in to my soul 

(mind, will, and emotion that's what my soul holds)

She redirects my course of action

Teaches me surrender in practice

All these days i've struggled through 

Running so fast "trying" to "fix" what i knew

Hoping that God would just forgive and take it away 

Knowing He has the power to make it okay

Never realizing i was missing the key 

That un-ravels and dis-mantels these patterns of authority

Love i've known can always cover 

The multitude of deepest separations 

Yet my emotion seemed to twist the love my mind knew

To be something "dirty", something somehow "used"

This type of love holds the opposite "freeing" authority...

This love i find poorly imitating 

The feelings of wholeness, security, and justification.

The knowing that it's dealt with, it's FINISHED procreating! 

My running led me strait down 

Found myself at the bottom somehow

Found myself at the foot of a path

Found myself looking... still so blind

Found myself seeking, with no eyes

My feet stood still but my soul still ran

Pushing and fearing for a plan

Wisdom right there holding the key

Spoke to my running soul VERY clearly.

Patience, my dear, is the first step.

Without this love can not exist. 

How can love cover anything 

If you are too busy to stay.Too busy to wait. Too busy to SEE.

So i sit down at the foot of this path

Patience and wisdom hand in hand

Thought and emotion take their rest

In truth and purpose and HIS plan

I'll wait here til this process is done

I'll find my joy and keep my place

I'll stay entertained as I learn HIS pace.

I'll let HIM deal with my past.

While I just surrender those moments.

It's amazing how when i hand them to YOU

YOU heal me and make me new... 

I can't wait to walk again with this new soul

(this new mind, new will, new emotion my soul holds)

I will wait until YOU tell me when

I'm ready to get up and go again.

This path infront keeps me in rest 

Knowing my heart must be whole... to enjoy it

I know that You have given me a promise

Please finish what You have started -khristen

Early In The Morning.. Late At Night... (CH.11 Ultimate God)

I heard about this guy that was so kind your heart would sing when he spoke to you.  In his eyes you always see your beauty.  If you could hear love it would sound like the tone of his voice when he speaks of you.  His anger manifests love, because he is love completely/perfectly.  When he touches your face all impurities pull to the top of your being screaming to be gone.  Purity strives violently to be in his presence... Peace makes it's home in his words.  Joy rest in his smile.  This guy should be my best friend. That’s what I need… A best friend... 

A lover.

A lover? Yes, a lover… someone that loves me wholly, purely, respectfully, and unconditionally.  A lover that gives a love that reaches past my physical being and knows my inner most being.  I need a friend that longs for me to tell him my dreams… my desires.  That is thrilled about sharing my desires and burdens.   I need a friend that replaces my empty desires with longings that stand the test of time.  I need a lover that loves me enough to want the best for me even when I do not want it for my self.  I need someone who is willing to sacrifice everything just to be in my presence.  I need a lover that fears nothing, yet is willing to weep with me when I am broken. A friend who’s love is so pure and intimate that I can call him

both lover and daddy.  

                                                       …A friend that will never leave me

                                                       …A lover that will never forsake me

He asked me…  “Who do you say that I am?”  “Lord, you are the Christ, the one that God has sent to save the world.  You are, HE, the one that was there in the beginning… The one who formed me… The one that has known me before I was formed…  You are the one that intricately wrote out my days before me.  The one who walks before me and sets my path.  You are the one that orchestrates my life….  I know that you are my savior.  I know that you are God.  I know this not because someone told me.  I know this not because I read it in a book that many believe to be absolute truth… I know this not because my parents taught me who you are… I know this not because my friends know this and I believe them..

I know this because….When I needed a lover you introduced me to a love that loves me wholly, purely, respectfully, and unconditionally.  You reached past my physical being and awakened my inner most being. I know this because you waited patiently through a line of people in my life for your turn to be my captivated audience (of ONE). Just so you may listen to me tell you of my heart, my will, my opinions, my desires, my emotions… You have listened to my soul, smiling all the while knowing that as great as “my desires” sounded to myself… The burdens of my own will would lead me in cycles of temporaries and insanities.   You my friend have replaced my empty desires with longings that are eternal.  You my lover have displayed the purest love by never rejoicing in my unrighteousness, but dancing around me joyfully with truth as your confidant.  I know who you are because you sacrificed everything to spend these moments here with me now.  You sacrificed everything so that you may walk with me and so I may walk with you in the coolness of the day.  I know you, my lover, because you showed me how to take courage and be strong and do all things through your strength, and still when I was scared and broken and weeping… you swooped down and wept also… allowing yourself to endure all things that I grasped before you.  You, my closest friend, cleaned my most intimate places.  You endured my fornications.  You forgave my separations.  You redeemed my supplications.  You my lover paid for me completely.  You have walked with me from the beginning and I didn’t even know.  Unconditionally… meaning NO MATTER WHAT CONDITION I CHOSE FOR MYSELF… You loved me.  I know you because you have shown me a love that is both intimate of that from a lover yet purer of that from a father loving his first-born. 

I know this because… Jesus, you have been the friend that has never left me.

You have been the lover that has never forsaken me.

I know you and I love you because you first loved me… truly. khristen