I am 28 years old and I live in the top of someone's garage with my son who will be 13 in a few weeks. I don't own a house or drive a nice car. We wear sale rack clothes and we wash them at the laundry mat. We have 3 tvs that we never watch and 2 game systems that we never play. We do not have an oven or a stove, but our microwave, electric skillet, and grill can cook almost anything we want. When I was fifteen a handful of people told me that a day would come that I would resent trying to raise my son myself. They told me that I would not be able to afford to give him all that he needed. For a moment this week I thought they might be right. I found myself not being able to afford the "life" my child wants. So we talked about this "life" that he so desires. The life of three bedroom homes and 2 parents in a house. Where kids have puppy dogs that play in the backyard and all their friends come over every weekend to hang out. A life where name brand clothes are bought more so as accessories not necessity. Name brands to pacify the desire to "fit in" and "be accepted" instead of buying clothes for quality and stewardship. A life where kids have every "toy" in the world to babysit and keep them occupied. The thing is for me to attain these things for myself i would work two jobs and get ahead for a while (hopefully nothing major comes up) and then after a while I could have my house and my dog and backyard and four-wheelers and my SUV to park in my 2 car garage in which I would NOT have a miniature horse living in. The big question here is though... while i'm working my tail off.... WHO is raising my son????? While others may find it important to obtain these things I am more so worried about knowing my son and he knowing me. So that I may deposit in him the things he needs to MAKE HIS OWN LIFE!! So then you tell me.. You just need to get married... A two parent home sounds fantastic, but I will not use some poor soul just for security. To live or marry with someone that the Lord has not brought to me. To compromise that is more detrimental than any decision i could possibly make. Who wants to live in a home where now not only do we still have the SAME problems, but now i have to worry about how to make a grown man happy and how he is spending our money and etc... I will not have my son resent me and some poor soul just because the standard of "living well" has been set in possessions and achievements. These things will all pass. They can dry rot in your hand before you ever even get to use them if you aren't careful. To all those people that told me I would resent him. For you who told me that I needed to quit doing the things I knew God was calling me to so that I could get a REAL JOB . I tell you AGAIN, "i am rich in ways you will never understand." The only resentments that I find creeping into me is when I start to hear YOUR voice speak through MY CHILD.
-don't forget where he came from.. He was birthed in forgiveness, redemption, sacrifice, obedience, and more so love. He has grown up in a home with peace, joy, laughter, and CREATIVITY. He has learned discipline, respect, honor, and perseverance. He knows a happiness that lasts longer than a trip to disney world or the list of redbox movies you watch every weekend. He has always had everything needs and more material possessions than any kid could ever ask for! More so he was born as MY son there fore my authority and standards will determine what "living well" means in my home.
PLEASE DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE.
Please understand I have nothing against 2 parent homes and nice things and i do believe you can raise your kids in a home that has everything and you and your children still be rich. This is just not an option for me in my life right now, and the attitude that i SHOULD attain the house and car and materialistic crap for sake of my kid being happy is a poverish mindset. Poverty and Wealth in my house are not measured in money or possessions, but in character and how much you have inside of you that enRICHES others. Hence the word RICH.
-khristen
two thumbs WAY up dearheart <3
ReplyDeleteAnd your you just climbed higher on the pedestal I keep you on! For whomever reads this comment. I am guilty of being one of those moms in some ways. Not all but some. I (not my child) IMMEDIATELY when my son needs new jeans head to "Abercrombie" Why? I justify it by saying "I want him to have all the THINGS I didn't have. BUT I turned out fine so what is it really? It is EXACTLY what the wisest woman I know (Khristen) says it is MY desire for him to fit in, be accepted and have what others have. When actually I should strive for him to be set apart. Now in my defense I WILL SAY he is set apart in some very important ways. He is 13 years old and more often than not he has to help do things that most boys do not because of the situation with Rocky G. His favorite thing on this planet is playing Hockey and a time came when LIFE happened and Hockey had to be done away with. With Rocky being sick, me working and running to and from everywhere the hour away 5 am practices became difficult for me to get him to. So when I told him the news he just smiled and graciously "took it." He is set apart by his incredible academic achievements and motivation as well. BUT I still am guilty of the "things" issue. For example right now it is killing me that I can't get him "sperrys" BUT he hasn't even asked. Khristen your words as always are amazing and it is OK LOL that I have a 3 bedroom, and a puppy :) I know you're not speaking of me :) However I am so guilty of some of these things.
ReplyDeleteTara, dear, you are on the other side of my mind when it comes to these matters... I too have been guilty. That's why i scream it so! :)
ReplyDeleteWhoever said you would resent your son was, is and will always be wrong. I really hope that they weren't a parent and didn't know what they were talking about. Who would say such a thing!?! You're right, stuff is nice, but it's not everything. The more you have, the more you have to deal with. The simpler, the better. Eventually, all things pass away. The best is for everything to be balanced (work, home life, etc.). We had to give our dog away b/c he attacked Hudson, so they're not always that great, either. Plus, they poop and pee on your stuff and in our case, our dog threw up every now and then. :) In the natural relm, we always want what we don't have. This is the world's standard, not our's. We have higher standards . . . Godly standards. We must be happy and thankful for everything we are and possess and I know you are (just venting). :) You know you don't need to settle for less and we both know that you're not going to. You are worth far more than diamonds! I love how you think! You said it all just perfectly. ;)
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