Wednesday, March 17, 2010

ramblings...




Jere and i went for a walk in the woods here in Branson and found this really cool waterfall. The post before you get to this fall read View Blind. It was dangerously beautiful here. It reminded me of how many times in life i can't even see where God is taking me and then one day it's like that beautiful place just sneaks up on me. Sometimes when i look at where Jere or myself have been i can see how that place was made for us alone. God is so intricate. I love that He knows us completely and that He prepares things for us so perfectly. I love His surprises. He never lets me down with them. I trust that the people or dreams that have not continued in my life have been, because He allowed it that way. His purpose always remains. People and dreams may come and go, but the purpose He has remains. I love that He is my Daddy. That He teaches me what it means to be his daughter. What it means to be loved by Him and to be able to trust in Him for all things. There is no possible way I could have walked this road without my father. I know He has prepared so much and I don't want to miss a moment of it. I pray He teaches me to enjoy the things He has put in my life, and gives me the strength to let go of the things that are no longer. Lord teach me to hold hope close but to cut off those dead things that destroy hope. Teach me the difference. -khristen

sillygirl

beautiful, lay it out
talk like you know
put your prettiest smile on
perfecting the perfect show
toe than heel
suck it in
turn VERY slow
raise your eyes don't look down
maintain your stunning glow

pearls to swine
you give them your life
you tell them all you know
they take your worth and ride on it
as far as it will go

beautiful shut your mouth
don't be so keen to share
you were given somethings to protect
not to just lay bare

wake up
learn your lessons
time to show your stuff
you can be real nice, but still
it's time to toughen up
time to wise up
time to shape up
time to grow up

Life happens grow with it
change with your seasons
learn from experience
love God
love others
love yourself
love-khristen


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

waits






steady walking myself down
foreign are all these sounds
dripping curiosities fill me
questions of "what ifs" ground me

reality pulls me back up 
appearance throws me off
perceptions twisting tight
dark isn't so dark in the light

this poem in my head
won't come out until it's perfectly said
words stubborn full of pride
won't let loose til i'm on your side/you see

i feel broken i feel bruised i feel smothered and used
i feel choked and battered and beaten and confused
i feel abandoned i feel hurt i feel completely lied to
i feel lost, mislead, and stupid for believing you.

Feelings, Feelings... you always lie.
Can't trust how i feel to save my life.
You say i'm hurt when i just saw that i'm healed
I say HE is right here.. you say, but that's not how you feel!

Feelings, Feelings... you always lie
This time I WILL change YOUR mind.
I will tell you what is truth.  
Please step in line and speak it too.

Feelings it's time for you to be on my side/ You see
He has changed my life
He has transformed my mind
He has given new words
He has brought more time

wholeness filled my emptiness
richness conformed this poverish mindset
You love me no matter...
thanks for that
-khristen




 



Monday, March 15, 2010

food for ur soul

Psalm 37 (the message)

A David Psalm
 1-2 Don't bother your head with braggarts or wish you could succeed like the wicked. 
   In no time they'll shrivel like grass clippings 
      and wilt like cut flowers in the sun. 

 3-4 Get insurance with God and do a good deed, 
      settle down and stick to your last. 
   Keep company with God, 
      get in on the best. 

 5-6 Open up before God, keep nothing back; 
      he'll do whatever needs to be done: 
   He'll validate your life in the clear light of day 
      and stamp you with approval at high noon. 

 7 Quiet down before God, 
      be prayerful before him. 
   Don't bother with those who climb the ladder, 
      who elbow their way to the top. 

 8-9 Bridle your anger, trash your wrath, 
      cool your pipes—it only makes things worse. 
   Before long the crooks will be bankrupt; 
      God-investors will soon own the store. 

 10-11 Before you know it, the wicked will have had it; 
      you'll stare at his once famous place and—nothing! 
   Down-to-earth people will move in and take over, 
      relishing a huge bonanza. 

 12-13 Bad guys have it in for the good guys, 
      obsessed with doing them in. 
   But God isn't losing any sleep; to him 
      they're a joke with no punch line. 

 14-15 Bullies brandish their swords, 
      pull back on their bows with a flourish. 
   They're out to beat up on the harmless, 
      or mug that nice man out walking his dog. 
   A banana peel lands them flat on their faces— 
      slapstick figures in a moral circus. 

 16-17 Less is more and more is less. 
      One righteous will outclass fifty wicked, 
   For the wicked are moral weaklings 
      but the righteous are God-strong. 

 18-19 God keeps track of the decent folk; 
      what they do won't soon be forgotten. 
   In hard times, they'll hold their heads high; 
      when the shelves are bare, they'll be full. 

 20 God-despisers have had it; 
      God's enemies are finished— 
   Stripped bare like vineyards at harvest time, 
      vanished like smoke in thin air. 

 21-22 Wicked borrows and never returns; 
      Righteous gives and gives. 
   Generous gets it all in the end; 
      Stingy is cut off at the pass. 

 23-24 Stalwart walks in step with God; 
      his path blazed by God, he's happy. 
   If he stumbles, he's not down for long; 
      God has a grip on his hand. 

 25-26 I once was young, now I'm a graybeard— 
      not once have I seen an abandoned believer, 
      or his kids out roaming the streets. 
   Every day he's out giving and lending, 
      his children making him proud. 

 27-28 Turn your back on evil, 
      work for the good and don't quit. 
   God loves this kind of thing, 
      never turns away from his friends. 

 28-29 Live this way and you've got it made, 
      but bad eggs will be tossed out. 
   The good get planted on good land 
      and put down healthy roots. 

 30-31 Righteous chews on wisdom like a dog on a bone, 
      rolls virtue around on his tongue. 
   His heart pumps God's Word like blood through his veins; 
      his feet are as sure as a cat's. 

 32-33 Wicked sets a watch for Righteous, 
      he's out for the kill. 
   God, alert, is also on watch— 
      Wicked won't hurt a hair of his head. 

 34 Wait passionately for God, 
      don't leave the path. 
   He'll give you your place in the sun 
      while you watch the wicked lose it. 

 35-36 I saw Wicked bloated like a toad, 
      croaking pretentious nonsense. 
   The next time I looked there was nothing— 
      a punctured bladder, vapid and limp. 

 37-38 Keep your eye on the healthy soul, 
      scrutinize the straight life; 
   There's a future 
      in strenuous wholeness. 
   But the willful will soon be discarded; 
      insolent souls are on a dead-end street. 

 39-40 The spacious, free life is from God, 
      it's also protected and safe. 
   God-strengthened, we're delivered from evil— 
      when we run to him, he saves us.

(don't usually read from the message but it seemed to fit the occasion when praying.. hope it fits for you this day!) -khristen

Sunday, March 14, 2010

ngage-E


rolling thoughts through me

grasping not a single one

brewing challenges consume me

reaching destination none

 

failure stalks these heels

down abandoned roads

dead end creeps to my toes

burdened by this heavy load

 

dis-engaging moments

memories extinct

mind occupied elsewhere

time i wish to keep

 

distractions limitless

robbing preciousness

consuming pointlessness

please snap out of it!

-khristen 

Saturday, March 13, 2010

contrastation


dark gray clouds bright blue sky

shining rays blow my mind

contrast so vivid in sight

shadows larger than life

reflections of aspirations

bouncing off all light

ideas of imaginations

distract these seeing eyes...

-khristen










Friday, March 12, 2010

TWO WORDS

FULL CIRCLE.  REDEEMING TIME.  NEW DESIRES.  NEW MIND.  HEALED HEART.  PATIENCE ACQUIRED.  WHOLE BEING. COMPLETELY INSPIRED.  WAITING HERE.  FOR YOU.  NO EXPECTATION.  EXCEPT YOU.  SIT HERE.  GENTLY SPEAK.   EARS HEAR.  WORDS REACH.  THROUGH ME.  THESE WORDS.  DEEPEN ME.  TRANSFORM ME.  HEALING ME.  WORDS THAT.  STRENGTHEN ME.  ENCOURAGE ME.  CHALLENGE ME.  HOLD ME.  YOUR WORD.  MAKES ME.  ENVELOPES ME. PURSUES ME.  RAVISHES ME.  THIS TIME.  ALWAYS FULFILLS.  YOUR TIME.  ALWAYS REVEALS.  BEAUTIFUL ACTS.  FREEDOM'S KEYS.  LOVE'S WAY.   HURTS HEALED.  PRIDE DISMANTLED. HUMILITY WORN.  FACE SHINING.  SOUL-TIE TORN.  REDEEMING TIME. BEAUTIFUL TIME. BEAUTIFUL TALK. BEAUTIFUL MIND. 
-KHRISTEN

Thursday, March 11, 2010

NEWDAY

It's a new day which means that today you can start over.  Start fresh.  Today you can choose to wake up and use yesterday's mistakes to go forward.  Today you can choose to love the person that God has made you to be, and TRUST in the plans God has for you.  He is so good at being real.  We are what struggles with fantasy and fake-ness.   We are the ones that can't seem to look ourselves in the eye and speak truth.  This day i challenge you to Smile at yourself.  Laugh at yourself.  Don't take yourself so seriously that you feel like you have to do all things RIGHT.  Don't be so serious that you are afraid to be WRONG or fall down.  It's healthy to learn how to fall and it's healthy to bleed every once in a while.  More so than any of this LOVE GOD.  No matter what else you do right or wrong  LOVE GOD.  He will deal with everything else.  HAVE A GREAT DAY FRIENDS!! Find something to laugh so hard about you cry :) 

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

JUST A THOUGHT>>>

parents don't just teach your kids to say a prayer, but take them with you when you spend your time with the Lord...  Let them participate in hearing God speak to you.  They may not hear it audibly, but they will see it.  There is nothing more powerful than God's presence.  Here is where we are changed.  Our children will know that He is real when transformation happens right before their eyes.  There is no denying this type of intimacy.  God allows, we, as parents to watch our children grow.  He allows us to see the miracle of rapid growth... How our kids go from an infant to toddler in just a few short months.  I think about how fast Jere has grown.  I don't remember the exact day that i quit feeding and let him do it himself.  Nor do i remember the Day he became too big for me to carry.  I don't remember the exact moment his feet got bigger than mine, but it seems it has happened RIGHT in front of my eyes.  The thing is... my eyes have not gone very long at ALL without seeing his face.  Yet it seems SO different than just a year ago... POINT IS... God allows us to see this miracle to teach us just as we teach them.  LET YOUR CHILDREN SEE YOU.  Let your sons watch you cry and fight things out with the Lord.  Just as you have watched your children cry and fight things out.  Let them IN... As adults when we allow ourselves to be nurtured by the Lord (just as we nurture our children) we grow RAPIDLY... maybe not physically.. but mentally, emotionally, in security, and wisdom.  We grow in our lacks and insecurities.  We grow to be better parents and just like we can't pin point the day we can see the process.  When we allow them to go with us in our conversations with God... They too will learn our processes in this type of relationship.  Just like they will learn to speak by hearing YOUR words.  They will learn to hear God's voice by listening to how YOU respond when He speaks to you.  Just as children learn that you are your parents child... they need to know that you are God's child.  NOT just some "man of God" or "woman of God".  Let's learn to be real with ourselves so we can be real with our kids.  Let's love God as our Daddy.  Let's love our children as good parents.  Let's let our children see us be children with our Daddy.  I believe as we become more loving children we will teach our children to be more loving children.   -khristen 

Monday, March 8, 2010


HE'S THE COOLEST KID I KNOW!! :)

disappointments

Appointments broken
expectations stolen...

awaywithlackofcare

appointmentssdi- i should have never made them
I should have left my schedule blank with nothing
no expectation no appointments no excitement of agenda

my appointment with your character should have never been made
my appointment with your love should never been thought of
my appointment with you... never happened.

Therefore i am left with no appointment which very well can’t be a DISappointment
or can it?
-khristen

new day


New days shining in my eyes
so bright now it’s hard to find
... my shades.
Will you let this continue... 
even through rainy days and all the gray.

Black and white so hard to find
with the sun in my eyes.
Please let this gaze continue...
Let me see past the lies.

Let my fix be so in tune
That you penetrate through me.
Exposing, illuminating, with out me even knowing.

Take my heart... keep it...
Surround it in truth and peace.
Bring gentleness my way.
Please come and stay.

My insides scream for Your will
For my will to be saved and be still.... before you.
Silently i weep for those who are unsettled... unknowing.
Make yourself known
-khristen

CLANG

Clanging symbols spread like a disease
Murder/abuse brings me to my knees
My response to this nonchalant attack
Face down...(screaming).....
Let love COVER
Let love ENDURE
Let love HOPE
Let love BELIEVE
LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SINS-
-khristen

tunnel vision


Wrapped up in all i can see
UNLEASH ME!!!
Free me from this self-centered destruction.
It creeps behind following me to my dreams.
Poisoning all.. the dim glass grows dimmer.
Where did all desire go? to the clouds i suppose...
That’s where I left it all.... In faith i thought or maybe fear... 
What would you have me DO? 
I know there is nothing...
Doing only wraps me tighter in frustration. 
Teach me satisfaction as YOU know it.
Give me eyes to see color as you taste it. 
To smell love. To be love. To give you. 
How do i give you to someone else 
when i do not know how to take you for myself. 
Ah... To give you. To give myself. To give.
 -khristen

the rest of the world... (CH. 4.. Friend or Foe -Public Humiliation vs Public Opportunity)




You look at me.
What do you see?
A girl that use to be pretty…?
 They look at me.
What is their thought?
That girl got bought?
 He looks at me.
What does he say?
It was a good lay?
 You look at me.
What do you believe?
What I present for you to see…?
 I look at me.
What do I present?
Fear…?  Faith…?  Love…?  Resentment…?
-khristen

Sunday, March 7, 2010

perceptions

WORDS CHALLENGING MY PURPOSE

REALITY TESTING MY FAITH

FEAR PROVOKING MY TRUST

YOURS AGAINST HIS

 

YOU MY GREATEST TEST OF LOVE AND HATE.

TAUGHT ME THINGS I DIDN’T APPRECIATE.

YOUR ARROWS DIRECTED TOWARDS MY EXISTENCE.

TAUGHT ME TO ACT WITH WISDOM AND RESISTANCE.

 

THE LOGIC THAT CAME FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE

PUSHED ME TO REACH FOR A CREATIVE ALLIANCE

THE PERCEPTIONS THAT YOU WERE ABOVE

PROVOKED ME TO ANGER AND THAT MUCH MORE TO LOVE

 

YOUR EYES OF SHAME THAT PEERED ON MY POSITION

GREW A DESIRE TO EARN YOUR RECOGNITION.

THE ANGER THAT YOU EXPRESSED

LASHED OPEN WOUNDS OF REPRESS.

 

WOUNDS THAT LONGED TO BE HEALED

WOUNDS WITH SCARS THAT FORBID ME TO FEEL

TO LIVE TO CRY

SCARS THAT SHOWED IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE

 

YOU MY GREATEST TEST THROUGH THIS

CHALLENGED ME TO NOT JUST SEEK TRUTH, BUT TO LIVE BY IT!

YOU SEE THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE

CREATIVITY IS MY GREATEST ALLIANCE.

LOVE POWERED MY RESISTANCE AND

HE NOT ONLY PURPOSED BUT ALSO DEFINED MY EXISTENCE.

 

PERCEPTIONS OF SHAME DIMINISHED IN THE MIDST OF EVIDENCE

RESPECT, HONOR, LOVE, AND HELP FROM MY NEW ALLEGIANCE.

RECOGNITIONS BORN TAUGHT US A NEW PERCEPTION

OF FORGIVENESS, HEALING, AND COMPLETE REDEMPTION

-KHRISTEN

PERFECTION


His unformed substance

Only one can see

But as he grows

I feel him in me

 

Though some believe

He’s not yet alive

I can feel him

Longing to survive

 

A child of God

The days were ordained

He gave his son

For mine to be saved

 

O' God thy thoughts

Make my child precious

With choices made

I can’t be anxious

 

I ask thee my Lord

For a wall of protection

To surround our child

That is made from your perfection

 

 

Khristen   1996

(my fifteen year old self)