ngage-E

rolling thoughts through me

grasping not a single one

brewing challenges consume me

reaching destination none

 

failure stalks these heels

down abandoned roads

dead end creeps to my toes

burdened by this heavy load

 

dis-engaging moments

memories extinct

mind occupied elsewhere

time i wish to keep

 

distractions limitless

robbing preciousness

consuming pointlessness

please snap out of it!

-khristen 

contrastation

dark gray clouds bright blue sky

shining rays blow my mind

contrast so vivid in sight

shadows larger than life

reflections of aspirations

bouncing off all light

ideas of imaginations

distract these seeing eyes...

-khristen

TWO WORDS

FULL CIRCLE.  REDEEMING TIME.  NEW DESIRES.  NEW MIND.  HEALED HEART.  PATIENCE ACQUIRED.  WHOLE BEING. COMPLETELY INSPIRED.  WAITING HERE.  FOR YOU.  NO EXPECTATION.  EXCEPT YOU.  SIT HERE.  GENTLY SPEAK.   EARS HEAR.  WORDS REACH.  THROUGH ME.  THESE WORDS.  DEEPEN ME.  TRANSFORM ME.  HEALING ME.  WORDS THAT.  STRENGTHEN ME.  ENCOURAGE ME.  CHALLENGE ME.  HOLD ME.  YOUR WORD.  MAKES ME.  ENVELOPES ME. PURSUES ME.  RAVISHES ME.  THIS TIME.  ALWAYS FULFILLS.  YOUR TIME.  ALWAYS REVEALS.  BEAUTIFUL ACTS.  FREEDOM'S KEYS.  LOVE'S WAY.   HURTS HEALED.  PRIDE DISMANTLED. HUMILITY WORN.  FACE SHINING.  SOUL-TIE TORN.  REDEEMING TIME. BEAUTIFUL TIME. BEAUTIFUL TALK. BEAUTIFUL MIND. 

-KHRISTEN

NEWDAY

It's a new day which means that today you can start over.  Start fresh.  Today you can choose to wake up and use yesterday's mistakes to go forward.  Today you can choose to love the person that God has made you to be, and TRUST in the plans God has for you.  He is so good at being real.  We are what struggles with fantasy and fake-ness.   We are the ones that can't seem to look ourselves in the eye and speak truth.  This day i challenge you to Smile at yourself.  Laugh at yourself.  Don't take yourself so seriously that you feel like you have to do all things RIGHT.  Don't be so serious that you are afraid to be WRONG or fall down.  It's healthy to learn how to fall and it's healthy to bleed every once in a while.  More so than any of this LOVE GOD.  No matter what else you do right or wrong  LOVE GOD.  He will deal with everything else.  HAVE A GREAT DAY FRIENDS!! Find something to laugh so hard about you cry :) 

JUST A THOUGHT>>>

parents don't just teach your kids to say a prayer, but take them with you when you spend your time with the Lord...  Let them participate in hearing God speak to you.  They may not hear it audibly, but they will see it.  There is nothing more powerful than God's presence.  Here is where we are changed.  Our children will know that He is real when transformation happens right before their eyes.  There is no denying this type of intimacy.  God allows, we, as parents to watch our children grow.  He allows us to see the miracle of rapid growth... How our kids go from an infant to toddler in just a few short months.  I think about how fast Jere has grown.  I don't remember the exact day that i quit feeding and let him do it himself.  Nor do i remember the Day he became too big for me to carry.  I don't remember the exact moment his feet got bigger than mine, but it seems it has happened RIGHT in front of my eyes.  The thing is... my eyes have not gone very long at ALL without seeing his face.  Yet it seems SO different than just a year ago... POINT IS... God allows us to see this miracle to teach us just as we teach them.  LET YOUR CHILDREN SEE YOU.  Let your sons watch you cry and fight things out with the Lord.  Just as you have watched your children cry and fight things out.  Let them IN... As adults when we allow ourselves to be nurtured by the Lord (just as we nurture our children) we grow RAPIDLY... maybe not physically.. but mentally, emotionally, in security, and wisdom.  We grow in our lacks and insecurities.  We grow to be better parents and just like we can't pin point the day we can see the process.  When we allow them to go with us in our conversations with God... They too will learn our processes in this type of relationship.  Just like they will learn to speak by hearing YOUR words.  They will learn to hear God's voice by listening to how YOU respond when He speaks to you.  Just as children learn that you are your parents child... they need to know that you are God's child.  NOT just some "man of God" or "woman of God".  Let's learn to be real with ourselves so we can be real with our kids.  Let's love God as our Daddy.  Let's love our children as good parents.  Let's let our children see us be children with our Daddy.  I believe as we become more loving children we will teach our children to be more loving children.   -khristen 

HE'S THE COOLEST KID I KNOW!! :)

disappointments

Appointments broken

expectations stolen...

awaywithlackofcare

appointmentssdi- i should have never made them

I should have left my schedule blank with nothing

no expectation no appointments no excitement of agenda

my appointment with your character should have never been made

my appointment with your love should never been thought of

my appointment with you... never happened.

Therefore i am left with no appointment which very well can’t be a DISappointment

or can it?

-khristen

new day

New days shining in my eyes

so bright now it’s hard to find

... my shades.

Will you let this continue... 

even through rainy days and all the gray.

Black and white so hard to find

with the sun in my eyes.

Please let this gaze continue...

Let me see past the lies.

Let my fix be so in tune

That you penetrate through me.

Exposing, illuminating, with out me even knowing.

Take my heart... keep it...

Surround it in truth and peace.

Bring gentleness my way.

Please come and stay.

My insides scream for Your will

For my will to be saved and be still.... before you.

Silently i weep for those who are unsettled... unknowing.

Make yourself known

-khristen

CLANG

Clanging symbols spread like a disease

Murder/abuse brings me to my knees

My response to this nonchalant attack

Face down...(screaming).....

Let love COVER

Let love ENDURE

Let love HOPE

Let love BELIEVE

LOVE COVERS A MULTITUDE OF SINS-

-khristen

tunnel vision

Wrapped up in all i can see

UNLEASH ME!!!

Free me from this self-centered destruction.

It creeps behind following me to my dreams.

Poisoning all.. the dim glass grows dimmer.

Where did all desire go? to the clouds i suppose...

That’s where I left it all.... In faith i thought or maybe fear... 

What would you have me DO? 

I know there is nothing...

Doing only wraps me tighter in frustration. 

Teach me satisfaction as YOU know it.

Give me eyes to see color as you taste it. 

To smell love. To be love. To give you. 

How do i give you to someone else 

when i do not know how to take you for myself. 

Ah... To give you. To give myself. To give.

 -khristen

the rest of the world... (CH. 4.. Friend or Foe -Public Humiliation vs Public Opportunity)

You look at me.
What do you see?
A girl that use to be pretty…?
 They look at me.
What is their thought?
That girl got bought?
 He looks at me.
What does he say?
It was a good lay?
 You look at me.
What do you believe?
What I present for you to see…?
 I look at me.
What do I present?
Fear…?  Faith…?  Love…?  Resentment…?
-khristen

perceptions

WORDS CHALLENGING MY PURPOSE

REALITY TESTING MY FAITH

FEAR PROVOKING MY TRUST

YOURS AGAINST HIS

 

YOU MY GREATEST TEST OF LOVE AND HATE.

TAUGHT ME THINGS I DIDN’T APPRECIATE.

YOUR ARROWS DIRECTED TOWARDS MY EXISTENCE.

TAUGHT ME TO ACT WITH WISDOM AND RESISTANCE.

 

THE LOGIC THAT CAME FROM YOUR EXPERIENCE

PUSHED ME TO REACH FOR A CREATIVE ALLIANCE

THE PERCEPTIONS THAT YOU WERE ABOVE

PROVOKED ME TO ANGER AND THAT MUCH MORE TO LOVE

 

YOUR EYES OF SHAME THAT PEERED ON MY POSITION

GREW A DESIRE TO EARN YOUR RECOGNITION.

THE ANGER THAT YOU EXPRESSED

LASHED OPEN WOUNDS OF REPRESS.

 

WOUNDS THAT LONGED TO BE HEALED

WOUNDS WITH SCARS THAT FORBID ME TO FEEL

TO LIVE TO CRY

SCARS THAT SHOWED IN ALL AREAS OF MY LIFE

 

YOU MY GREATEST TEST THROUGH THIS

CHALLENGED ME TO NOT JUST SEEK TRUTH, BUT TO LIVE BY IT!

YOU SEE THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE

CREATIVITY IS MY GREATEST ALLIANCE.

LOVE POWERED MY RESISTANCE AND

HE NOT ONLY PURPOSED BUT ALSO DEFINED MY EXISTENCE.

 

PERCEPTIONS OF SHAME DIMINISHED IN THE MIDST OF EVIDENCE

RESPECT, HONOR, LOVE, AND HELP FROM MY NEW ALLEGIANCE.

RECOGNITIONS BORN TAUGHT US A NEW PERCEPTION

OF FORGIVENESS, HEALING, AND COMPLETE REDEMPTION

-KHRISTEN

PERFECTION

His unformed substance

Only one can see

But as he grows

I feel him in me

 

Though some believe

He’s not yet alive

I can feel him

Longing to survive

 

A child of God

The days were ordained

He gave his son

For mine to be saved

 

O' God thy thoughts

Make my child precious

With choices made

I can’t be anxious

 

I ask thee my Lord

For a wall of protection

To surround our child

That is made from your perfection

 

 

Khristen   1996

(my fifteen year old self)    

step up

tOO MUCH INSIDE

DON’T GET TOO CLOSE

i MAY JUST TELL YOU

wHAT I THINK

hOW I FEEL

wHO YOU ARE.

iT MAY RUB OFF

LIKE A DISEASE

bURNING TIL COMBUSTION OF OPINIONS AND DREAMS

lOOKING PAST YOUR OUTSIDE REPUTATION

sEEING ONLY (NAMASTE) hIS REFLECTION!

sPEAK, dANCE, dREAM, lOVE.

bITTER ENVY, sELFISH PRIDE

 HAVE NO PLACE IN THIS LIFE.

dON’T GET TO CLOSE WITH YOUR OFFENSE

 yOU MAY NOT RECOVER IF YOU... 

dIP INTO WHAT I FEEL

sURROUNDED BY WHAT I SEE

lONGING FOR MY NEEDS.

wHAT HOLDS YOU BACK

wHAT HOLDS YOU UP

wHAT HOLDS YOU NEAR

wHAT HOLDS...

-khristen

The Mosaicist

broken in a million pieces

disperse all colors within

redesign this worn structure

polish me with my sin

 

take this dirty rag of filth

scrub me til i shine

traceless, hints of old self

none for you to find

 

can i see with new eyes

blinded to faded shades

crush this shell of old skin

rebuild for better days

 

days with you...

i’ll look to you, gaze, and never stop

-khristen

please breathe

When timing is perfect and promises are kept

when family tries and maybe fails but tries at best

when friends keep strong through silent tests

and you yourself get lost in all the mess.

 

When chaos is comfortable and structure abnorm

when peace is what causes the storms

when simplicity is a lost art form

and when individualism is misinformed.

 

When will you breathe fresh again...

Dreams hidden in your bottle will always drown.

Again and again.... come up and breathe....

When you are drowning there is no weight upon you..

you are as light as a feather, but drown you will indeed..

it's time to BREATHE, 

 please BREATHE!

i need you here with me.

 Breathe! Wake up!

 before you forget how...  

-khristen

yellow poem

Packaged pretty just for you

Simplicity given completely thought through

Arranged with bright colors to attract your eyes

Delivered in love contradicting demise.

Friendship sweet always blooms bright

Truth spoken always seems right

................silence..................

LIFE CRIES OUT LOUDER NOW..... 

Endurance. Patience. Kindness. Envying nothing.

Muting every boast. Arrogance extinct. 

Rudeness obsolete. Self-seeking can never compete.... 

with......................

His will for you.

His plan.

His way.

His life 

His time

His LOVE......................

Is not provoked. Does not keep an account of wrong suffered.

Never celebrating separation from Him. Rejoicing with truth.

able to BEAR all things...

able to BELIEVE HIS will for all things...

able to HOPE without fading no matter the circumstance...

able to ENDURE ANYTHING without weakening... 

....................HIS love never fails........

Pretty packages fade away.

but one gift will always remain.

The gift of love that gives.

Nothing can take away.

It’s SEALED on the heart.

The memory of the MOMENT the action took place.

 give. love. share

smile. converse. laugh.

smile bigger now. converse longer now. please laugh harder now.

this cannot be CONTAINED, CONTROLLED, or CAPTURED.

RELENTLESSLY PURSUING...

always giving

No power is greater than His love.

No power is stronger than His love.

No power is larger than His love.

No power can over take you like His love.

No power can dismantle you like His love.

No power can surround you like His love.

No power can compare to His love.

Music you see.

Fragrances having sound.

Colors eaten exploding with taste.

Memories with scents.

TANGIBLE LOVE. 

HIS WORD SAYS THAT HE SINGS OVER US AS WE SLEEP.

i wonder what that taste like..........

i wonder what His song looks like.......

i wonder what His words feel like when they bounce off my ear...

I wonder what the fragrance of His melody is....

i wonder what His glory sounds like? 

thankyouforYOURgift...

-khristen